A Letter to Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle
Dear Duchess Meghan,
This is your friend from 10,000 miles away. I just want to remind you that you should not forget to put Harry first. What do I mean by that? I mean that this relationship with your husband, while it does not "define" you, is the most defining relationship that you will ever have. Harry is not a perfect man and he is not a perfect husband. But he is destined to be your most "important" mate, and he can be your last husband (till death do you part) so long as you play your cards correctly.
It is in your interest to stay married to him till your children are grown. I can tell you from professional experience that broken marriages can get very complicated when there are children involved. In your case, the difficulties of the situation will be amplified by a lot. Even if your kids are born and raised in California, the fact that they are both heirs to the British throne could complicate who gets custody and how much control you will have over their custodial care.
If for no other reason, you should put Harry first because in doing so, it safeguards your marital relationship, and that in turn will protect you from the pain of losing custody and/or control of your minor children.
This is not just about the children, though. Harry is a great catch, his faults notwithstanding, and why would you want to lose him only to watch him take up with another woman? This will kill you on so many levels. It is not worth it to lose a guy like this. But to keep a guy like this, you have to be very intuitive, clever, and accommodating. No matter what Harry says on the surface, know that all men have two levels: surface and below the surface. They say one thing on the surface but may feel and believe a whole other thing below the surface. And it is below the surface that is the most important thing you need to be concerned with.
One of the things you also have to understand is that most men are very similar in their need to be on top. So to the extent that you find yourself "outshining" Harry or even pushing for "equality" in the relationship, know that you run the risk of offending him below the surface. The success of your marriage is going to be a function of the extent to which you make Harry feel like he is on top, he is the boss, he is in charge and he is "the man." In short, put him first.
Understand, also, that for a man to feel like a man, truly, the woman has to give him the satisfaction of being willing to be his woman. Do you understand? What that means is you will have to hold back sometimes from being so capable, strong, equal, and fabulous. And you have to push him forward more than you are projected either by others or your own volition, to the forefront. It may be a little bit conniving and it may be a little bit counterintuitive. But this is very important. This is what you must do - and you must do it happily and willingly - in order for your marriage to go the distance.
Both you and Harry are ambitious, hardworking, stubborn, and proud. Harry and you were meant to meet, and form this alliance that is meant to change many things in the world. You are not gods in the chrysalis or anything like that, but you have both been tapped to participate in a human experiment that will inform the world. Your joy and that of Harry and your children will depend on how you play your role in it.
Kind Regards,
Your Advisor from 10,000 miles away.
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